I have an odd relationship with sleep. I’ve always admired someone who can read until they fall asleep. If I go to bed and pick up a book there is a very good chance that I’ll look up and hear that the birds are singing the morning awake. It’s not necessarily a good skill to have, being able to pull an all-nighter, maybe even a couple in a row if need be. Sure it can be useful, but much like certainty it’s important that I be able to distinguish between a tool and a friend.
Ah tools. I used to get a laugh whenever I would be in a situation where I wanted someone to understand that I didn’t mind helping them over this tough spot, and that maybe I had a relevant skill to apply right there on their behalf. I would say ‘I’m a tool, use me’. First they’d giggle, then they’d understand, then they’d consider. Absolutely their choice whether to take the offer, but it was important to me that they knew it was indeed a real offer.
Why on earth we should have such trouble accepting that someone else doesn’t mind being the hands for a while is beyond me. That’d be hands, not brains. I don’t need to be in charge, don’t particularly want to be, probably don’t have enough smarts for the gig anyway. But for this specific part of the job… For years I explained it was a like a big ship that would take on a pilot for a section of narrows, or a harbour, or a set of locks. The captain is still in charge, you bet and don’t you forget it, but she’s a fool if she doesn’t allow the pilot to walk things through for the brief duration of this specific challenge. So she does.
Of course being a fool is not a bad thing, it’s one of my favourite positions. But no, being able to stay focused on something all night is a tool, not a friend. It’s a skill, not a part of my being. And it’s certainly not a thing I practice, because I will get very, very good at it. And that way leads to misguided attempts at significant philosophical insights and hamsters and similar disasters.
Don’t ask me how I know.