First of all I’d like to take a moment and thank you personally for taking the time out of your busy life to make sure the political correctness bandwagon was completely destroyed. I bring you good news–you have absolutely succeeded. Reports are coming in from everywhere that it is now considered stupid and shameful to be thoughtful about language in a way that is considerate of people who are different from you and your neighbours. Well, aside from those foreign neighbours who bought the place on the corner. But they’re not from around here so they can’t be expected to know any better.
You have reclaimed the language for your own. Congratulations. Be proud, you’ve earned it. Just the other day I overheard one angry kid call another ‘a farmer’. And last week that teen insulted his buddy by exclaiming ‘You’re so gay!’ Why even at the dinner table yesterday the grade school teacher patiently explained that I was being ‘retarded’. I was so moved I was unable to even consider a second helping of dessert.
Ah, such freedom. The air is clear again, and we can speak however we like instead of being constrained by ignorant people who actually think kindness is something you can build into a language. Just imagine the kind of mental case who puts thoughtfulness above freedom of expression. What retards.
It may seem amazing to some that the job was done so efficiently and success came so quickly. Such is the power of the moral majority unleashed. But now, friend, while all that positive energy is still fully mobilized I’d like you to consider putting that same energy into other areas. Just think of how quickly and completely the entire world could be changed.
Imagine.