Hey friend, how’s your day? Hope you’re well. A few challenges around here, but not so bad all in all. Managing to get things moved ahead a bit. A bit of an odd feeling creeping in, though, at least odd for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve shared with you that fall is a time I look forward to, a positive time, the first hard frost is kind of like my own internal new year. I try not to think about it overmuch, but this time two years ago I was in an awful separation and a nasty social free-fall ending with me on the street with no means of support. Then by this time last year I’d managed to pick up the pieces and get at least a few important things sorted out, including finally recognizing both personally and officially the reality of my disability–at which point I came to help my folks over a tough spot just for a couple of weeks and ended up staying much longer, and being primary caregiver for my dad while he passed on.
So I guess maybe I’m picking up a bit of a seasonal echo from all of that. It’s not that I’m somehow convinced that goofy things are going to happen to me at this particular turn of the season. But I think the flavour of harsh loss has been part of the scenery at this time of year, and so the leaves turn and I find myself preparing for another whack. But fortune telling is one of the various thinking errors we can make, no? And it’s a habit too easily formed. (Yeah, I know, they study this stuff, weird eh?) So I guess this season I’ll have to spend a bit of extra time figuring out how much of my unease is just echoes, and how much is because of things that really are screwed up and need attention.
So who knows what this fall will bring, and I’m certainly not looking for trouble, but here’s hoping it’s a little more thoughtful, and maybe a little kinder, than the last couple.
But hey, I’ll take what I can get.